On October 10, 2017, I was plotting my escape from my boyfriend’s squished studio apartment. Everything about it made me want to scream: the way his beard felt on my face when he went weeks without shaving, the pizza boxes he’d carelessly strewn all over the kitchen, the obnoxious Homer-Simpson-like “doh” he emitted when he made a dumb mistake. My angst kept me up until 7 a.m., working from his couch, playing my favorite songs on Youtube to maintain my sanity. Then, “Sundress” by Ben Kweller came on.<\/p>\n
I want to start going on a morning walk
\nWhat about the days when we used to talk?
\nI don’t need a smile from a mannequin
\nI just want to hold you in my hands
\nI do everything you want me to<\/p><\/blockquote>\nThe opening piano cords hit me hard. The refrain felt like coming home. I went to the bathroom and cried and cried so I wouldn’t wake my partner up. What the hell was I thinking? He\u00a0<\/em>would do anything I want him to. He<\/em> just wanted to hold me in his hands. I missed the days when we<\/em> used to talk.<\/p>\n
“I want to start going on a morning walk,” I announced the next day, not mentioning that I was literally quoting a song. And we did, every day for the next week, getting to know each other all over again. I have not thought of breaking up since. When I start to resent him, I put on that song, and the wall around my heart melts.<\/p>\n