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{"id":21630,"date":"2017-11-30T15:30:54","date_gmt":"2017-11-30T20:30:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.audiofemme.com\/?p=21630"},"modified":"2018-08-09T17:05:08","modified_gmt":"2018-08-09T21:05:08","slug":"only-noise-christmas-wrapping","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.audiofemme.com\/only-noise-christmas-wrapping\/","title":{"rendered":"ONLY NOISE: Christmas Wrapping"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not one to jumpstart holiday season. For the previous nine years, I\u2019ve left Christmas shopping until December 23rd\u00a0\u2013 and if it weren\u2019t for my annual Christmas Eve flight, I\u2019d likely wait another day. As of now, I haven\u2019t even begun making my Christmas list, on which I assign gift ideas to relatives. This usually occurs on December 22nd. Fortunately, my unquestionably kinder and more responsible older sister texted me earlier this week, asking if a certain member of our family would or would not like a couple of albums she was considering gifting them (I can\u2019t get too specific for obvious reasons, unless I want a lump of coal for Xmas for ruining surprises).<\/p>\n

In 2017, buying an album for someone\u2019s Christmas present is a little weird. A staggering number of listeners can find the music they want via streaming services, and though the vinyl industry has made a robust comeback, my sister is not talking about vinyl.<\/p>\n

In my family, a CD is still a 100% acceptable gift to give and receive. My dad still has two wooden shelves of them, towering next to his vinyl collection in the dining room-cum-office. His collection is growing, too, as a favorite weekend pastime of his involves visiting the bargain bins at the local Silver Platters. He typically gives me a report of any new purchases, including how big of a deal he scored.<\/p>\n

In a way, the CD has simplified gift giving in my family. It\u2019s cheaper (and more flight-friendly) than vinyl. Sure, it\u2019s more expensive than an MP3, but you can\u2019t exactly wrap <\/em>an MP3, now can you? Regardless of your family\u2019s preferred musical medium, here is a shopping list of new albums for the whole family: from moms to dads, brothers to cats.<\/p>\n

Mom: Not Even Happiness<\/em> by Julie Byrne<\/strong><\/p>\n

My <\/em>mom would probably prefer the new Quiet Riot record, but I\u2019m not going to recommend that for your mom, who is probably a far classier lady. Julie Byrne\u2019s sophomore album Not Even Happiness <\/em>is, dare I say, indisputably gorgeous. Byrne\u2019s lyrics are devastating and poignant, formed from her wind-song voice. Mom can do about anything to this record: drive, read a book, sip some wine, or simply listen intently on a Sunday evening.<\/p>\n

Dad: Semper Femina <\/em>by Laura Marling <\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019d say it\u2019s a pretty good time for men to listen to overtly feminist music, and this is a great feminist record by brilliant songwriter Laura Marling. Marling\u2019s writing expertise matches her guitar playing and steely-sweet voice, of which she has astonishing control. She can reach soprano heights in one bar, and plumb the depths of early Fiona Apple in the next. Songs like \u201cWild Fire\u201d and \u201cNothing, Not Nearly\u201d codify Marling as a master of the craft, weaving soul, folk, and pure poetry into accessible pop melodies.<\/p>\n

Sister: Ash <\/em>by Ibeyi<\/strong><\/p>\n

A record of, by, and for sisters, brought to you by Naomi and Lisa-Kaind\u00e9 Diaz. The French-Venezuelan Afro-Cuban twins give a whole new meaning to the word \u201csisterhood\u201d considering their highly collaborative songwriting process. Ash<\/em>, the duo\u2019s sophomore LP, is steeped in messages of racial equality and female empowerment, the later shining through in cuts like \u201cNo Man Is Big Enough for My Arms\u201d which features samples from a Michelle Obama speech. \u201cThe measure of any society is how it treats its women and girls,\u201d Obama insists. I\u2019m sure your sister (and hopefully your entire family) will agree.<\/p>\n

Brother: DAMN <\/em>by Kendrick Lamar<\/strong><\/p>\n

This record needs no introduction, nor explanation. Kendrick has done it again! Plus, gifting this to your brother ensures great one-liners to pen inside the corresponding card. For example: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you already own this, are you living under a rock?\u201d and \u201cBitch, be humble.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt who\u2019s into crystals: A Common Truth <\/em>by Saltland<\/strong><\/p>\n

One of my all-time favorite joke-news headlines read: \u201cLocal Woman Believes In Crystals But Not Herself,\u201d a hilarious dig, but one you have to shelve during the holidays. In all seriousness, Saltland\u2019s atmospheric A Common Truth <\/em>is both a stunning record and a perfect present for someone who\u2019s into \u201cvibes.\u201d Cellist Rebecca Foon collages rippling soundscapes atop sparse vocals extolling environmental preservation. Also, there is literally a crystal on the album cover.<\/p>\n

Uncle who rides a Harley: Villains <\/em>by Queens of the Stone Age<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not going to lie, I\u2019m not a big Queens of the Stone Age fan, and I don\u2019t love <\/em>this record\u2026 but your uncle will. Just imagine him ripping open the wrapping paper to find a dude in a motorcycle jacket and the devil himself riding on the back of his bike. He will undoubtedly shout \u201cbitchin\u2019!\u201d and take you out for a spin before dinner.<\/p>\n

Your significant other<\/span> Your Ex: <\/strong>\u00f7<\/em><\/strong> by Ed Sheeran<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Step one: burn Sheeran\u2019s insufferable third album onto a blank CD. Step two: write, \u201cBest Bands of 2017\u201d on the disk in sharpie, mixtape style. Step three: send it anonymously. Hopefully it will take your ex a while to realize he\u2019s been listening to Ed Sheeran unwillingly.<\/p>\n

Your Cat: Music For Cats <\/em>by <\/strong>David Teie<\/strong><\/p>\n

A record designed to please Mr. and Ms. Kitty. David Teie, a soloist with the National Symphony Orchestra, developed Music For Cats<\/em> with animal scientists. The result is a lovely m\u00e9lange of string swells, birdsong, and of course, purring<\/em>. Though it\u2019s \u201cfor cats,\u201d it\u2019s a score I\u2019d be happy to listen to with or without a feline companion. The standout track? \u201cKatey Moss Catwalk,\u201d of course.<\/p>\n