The Two Dollar Question – Auntie Matilda’s Double Yummy Blow Your Mind Out Brownies, Intrepid, 1969: This song is about exactly what you think it is. In mint condition the vinyl is worth one eighth its weight in “baking supplies”.
The Buckinghams – Susan, Columbia, 1967: Other than utilizing every possible English-language word that rhymes with Susan, the track starts off as pretty run-of-the mill British Invasion sunshine. These guys are from Chicago, though. And around 1:30, their producer added a bizarro dissonant orchestral break against the band’s wishes. After about thirty seconds of abrasive clanging, The Buckinghams chime back in with a melodic “La-la-la” and finish the song as if the whole thing never happened.
Eddie Jobson – Yesterday Boulevard, Island, 1976: You know the guy that’s always playing that crazy electric violin at Union Square? Imagine if that guy were in Roxy Music and played for Frank Zappa and he put out a solo 7″ that looks like a Chill Mega Chill release.
Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan – Tennessee Bird Walk, Wayside, 1970: This novelty song from the Floridian Country duo I mistakenly referred to as Misty & Whatshisface tries its hardest to make a guitar riff sound like a turkey. Misty seductively whispers “Chirp Chirp” while Jack sings about birds wearing underwear.
Jack Ross – Margarita, Dot Records, 1962: The next time there’s a drinking montage on Girls, we’d better see Hannah and crew knocking back shots to this b-side for Ross’s goofy “Cindarella” syllable mash-up.
Mickey Murray – Shout Bamalama, SSS International, 1967: It seems like “Shout Bamalama” might be a good campaigning song for the President. Upon listening though, you realize it’s about Alabama and eating fried chicken. Still a snappy soul jam, this one was best played at 33RPM.
The Peppers – Pepper Box, Event, 1973: Originally written as a commercial jingle but expanded with the hope that the single would become the next “Popcorn”, the sleeve of this record features five disembodied heads (presumably the “peppers”) floating in a box of, well, peppers. It’s really, really catchy.
Bernie Nee – Lend Me Your Comb, Columbia, 1958: Have you ever had to borrow your teen lover’s grooming gear so your parents wouldn’t notice your sex hair? This is your jam. It was first recorded by Carl Perkins and made famous by The Beatles, who were believed to have never even needed combs because their hairs were always perfect.
Cheech & Chong as The Bloaters – Bloat On, Epic, 1977: This is epic tribute to the munchies opens with a ghastly belch, continues with some yacht rock about hamburgers, adds on a pretty racist chow mein verse, and ends with a list of strangely unappetizing ice cream flavors (including but not limited to “licorice” and “boysenberry”).
The Happenings – I Believe In Nothing, B.T. Puppy Records, 1967: It’s much less bleak than it sounds. The smiling puppy on the label is juxtaposed with the sunnily sung but morose lyrics “I believe in nothing / Perhaps tomorrow I’ll believe in something / Because I’m searching for a certain feeling / To make the world around me more appealing.” The Happenings claim that making some lovelife improvements would do the trick, but may I also suggest some of Aunt Matilda’s Double Yummy Blow Your Mind Out Brownies?
